Column: I had COVID-19, and these are the things nobody tells you Sports columnist Bill Plaschke writes about his bout with the novel coronavirus. An eccentric woman sees an equally eccentric therapist. I considered putting Ordinary People in this spot. See Also: The ABC of an Epic ... After all, if you know who cares about you, you know who you can turn to, and not have to wonder who you can trust. (Nobody knows which it is, because nobody has ever seen this movie.). But I don’t know anyone who has seen this thing or knows anything about it. In the case of World Trade Center, maybe it was one of those ‘too soon’ things? Failure to Launch (2006) | Dir. 1. Under the Tuscan Sun (2003) | Dir. But there was something so laughable about the trailer. Lots and lots of nobodies saw it. ‘Cider House Rules’ as any honorable mention? It’s a movie about bird watching. It makes sense that so many movies suck. Several years ago, at an independent South Jersey movie theater that would later be overtaken by AMC corporate, I saw The Secret Life of Bees. It stars Jack Black, Owen Wilson, and Steve Martin, and is populated with a pretty impressive cast of character actors. She was kind of the second incarnation of that famed Farrah Fawcett poster, and in the mid-nineties she was the world’s ‘it girl’. Why not some surfer romantic comedy or something? I think they’re all lucky that nobody saw it. To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select 'I agree', or select 'Manage settings' for more information and to manage your choices. Font Size: ... Or maybe celebrity star power does not translate well in politics, because getting fans to spend money on a concert or movie is very different from getting those same people to vote. Nice hat. Congress can keep figuring out its leadership issues. And The English Patient?? Both were adapted from two great books. Some of the greatest actors of all time have, in recent days, turned into a bunch of washed-up hacks that would be somehow become more relevant for receiving a Razzie nomination (or seven). However, smugness is always a distorted point of view. Hm, well, first of all, you’ve certainly laid out a connotative definition for classic. Kate Beringer: "You say you hate Washington's birthday or Thanksgiving, and nobody cares, but you say you hate Christmas, and people treat you like you're a leper." It's a free online image maker that allows you to add custom resizable text to images. Please continue to give us plenty of fodder to trash you, some laughs, and those rare moments of insight that keep us coming back. For the parents we’ll get Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw!!! Yahoo is part of Verizon Media. But the poster makes me sleepy. Nobody goes to see them shits. Audrey Wells | 113 min. So women are the nobodies who’ve seen these movies and liked them. I suffered through The English Patient, I almost walked out, but I thought it might get better. Audrey Wells | 113 min. And I think a cameo by Rob Corddry, if I can remember correctly. And I am one of the nobodies who saw Under the Tuscan Sun. But Ashley and Mary-Kate totally made it … In this version, the lyric is changed to "Nobody know the trouble I've seen / Nobody knows but Jesus". A movie that people forever will be mad at because it beat Raging Bull for best picture. January 08, 2017 11:16 PM ET. Lol because if you knew me youd be like, no way you like Harry Potter? And it’s got Meryl Streep I think, she’s always great, so yeah, there’s that. I guess I telegraphed this one but it truly … These are movies that define irrelevance. Directed by Travis Swartz. It must suck taking everything so seriously though. These movies are so wholly uninteresting in every way that they aren’t even worth making fun of. The movies on this list are not famously bad like Plan 9 From Outer Space. This could have been as a result of any number of things. 9. This year you will see Salman Khan, Akshay Kumar, Aamir Khan, Ranbir Kapoor, Ranveer Singh, Ajay Devgn, Amitabh Bachchan, and many more. Peoples aunts care about Under the Tuscan Sun. So I guess I am … Oh well, everyone needs a shtick. We call these classics. It might not hurt to raise your literary comprehension level above comic books. A 12th song, "The One I Love (Belongs to Somebody Else)", was recorded at the sessions, but left unreleased until 1973. But you list several films from the AFI Top 100 List and if no one had seen them then how would they be on the list! 10. With Emma Stone, Paul McCartney, Nelson Chalas, Stephanie Crousillat. In the film Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Lt. Proctor sings this song in prison while running a metal cup along the bars. It didn’t. There has never in movie history been a faster fall off from popularity to obscurity. But I can’t really say, since, like many Americans, I didn’t go to see either of those films. What didn’t make sense was the one they chose. Its fifteen minutes of fame culminated as the butt of some hilarious jokes on Seinfeld in an episode where Elaine is turned into a pariah for hating it. Remember, it was the 90’s, and most of us did not yet have the Internet for porn. Those are classic. The English Patient (1996) | Dir. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. Pam was terribe but her tits deserved Oscars for best supporting actress and best soundtrack, respectively. But it’s whittled down to plastic, sitcom nothingness by someone that thought a dolphin arbitrarily biting the main character in the leg in the middle of a ‘buddies debriefing about chicks while shirtless on surfboards scene’ made sense as a comedy beat. I love it because it’s the absolute epitome of homogenization. What does it feel like to get angry if somebody makes fun of a movie that you think is good? Your email address will not be published. Then there is the reunion, and everyone is waiting to hear what you were doing when you were 20, and nobody cares what you are doing at 50 or 60. Barb Wire (1996) | Dir. You know, smug is a good name for this blog. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Soylent Green. When is the last time you ever heard anyone mention this thing? Certainly nobody has ever seen it. Check out Onmuga (online multiplayer games) What is the Meme Generator? Remember when Pamela Anderson(-Lee) was famous enough to warrant a starring vehicle? African Queen is a very entertaining movie and worth talking about alone because of the spectacular location shooting. 7. Moviemaking is a gargantuan, bizarre process that employs hundreds of people for millions upon millions of dollars over long periods of time. Have to agree with all of these. The word comes from the Latin classicus, “relating to the highest class of the Roman people.” It means the upper class, the cream of the crop. I meant this one. David Frankel | 100 min. It made $58,878,723 worldwide, and it cost $18 million to make. Also a Podcast! Why did I like it, you probably wonder. Lots of people have seen that movie. That said, it will never make sense that anybody thought this was a good idea at any point. I think it was on trend, what with firemen being heroes and all. 3 Films I Saw At Sundance London (Touchy Feely, In A World, History of the Eagles Part One). And the thought of watching it, or even anyone else watching it, is basically a joke. So it went into profit. i went on a cruise in high school that had 2 movie channels on the tv. The definition of classic is something that surpasses its time. I wanna see it too but Im broke and my parents think Im wierd! Ya know, for the men!”. If you’ve seen any of the following movies, please let me know. Ok look, I’m fully aware that this is a huge classic, but come on, get real. Dennis Nedry: [loudly] Dodgson, Dodgson, we've got Dodgson here! What are you trying to look like a secret agent or something. Because Diane Lane was excellent in the part, her dilemma was interesting and how she solved it was interesting. The African Queen (1951) | Dir. Could it be that these movies are not memorable to you because they are primarily about relationships, and these appeal mostly to women? It’s somewhere around Natural Born Killers where he went insane. And that’s why he was on Kickstarter. Not sure I agree with everything on this list. Reply And I’ve only seen three and a half of them. It doesn’t mean instantly old. Also, I have two other lists of great movies that nobody has ever seen. The old part is just a lot easier to agree on. Or vice versa, a great director’s vision could’ve been tainted by studio notes or the simple rigors of the process. Nobody Cares" is a catchphrase uttered by character Dennis Nedry in a dialogue scene from the 1993 science-fiction film Jurassic Park. Finally, the Soylent Green script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Charlton Heston movie. He also made W., which features a shot where somebody steps on a corncob for literally no reason (it’s emphasized in close up, also for no reason) and where the president of the United States is shown screaming melodramatically in the oval office. The world we live in. Oliver Stone is weird, man. Jay Russell | 115 min. Such a rhetorical masochist, Greg, always championing some hopeless argument. In a way, they’re much worse than awesomely bad triumphs like The Room and Troll 2, because those movies at least found an audience. Avatar: why no one cares about a sequel to the world's most successful movie Back in 2009, James Cameron’s 3D epic was a huge hit, vindicating its … Featured See Nobody Cares Memes See All. Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address, Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps. Enough to have made him the greatest movie star ever, according to AFI. Their last joint movie was New York Minute in 2004, which was supposed to pave the way to the grown-up film world, but this did not happen — and their acting career pretty much ended. It also connotates oldness, but mostly because we use it to refer to the great works of Greek and Roman antiquity – the Iliad, the Odyssey, etc. So does that make me an even bigger nobody? And he began his career as an interesting dude. India is moving away from the party. See nobody cares. In rock music, you have a big success before you turn 30, then there is sort of a decay. It’s a ‘comedy’ I guess, in the vein of Rat Race and It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World, I guess. Scott Hicks | 104 min. Some movies just exist with a cloak of unseeability around them. You’re really REALLY missing out by not watching The African Queen. But hey, what do I know, I think Empire Strikes Back should’ve won that year. Too many studio notes and cooks in the kitchen. That moment crystalized my understanding of the irrelevant. Too many drafts of the script. The premise is kind of neat, I guess. You should see it again and learn to appreciate what makes a truly great film. This is my favorite one on the list and I watch it every time it’s on TV and I’m sure I’m the only one who does. A vehicle really did make sense at the time. It's so wondrous, mysterious, even magical. Search, discover and share your favorite Nobody Cares GIFs. Elaine was right.Under the Tuscan Sun was actually good for what it was- a romance novel for 40-something divorcees brought to the screen. Yeah, this list is obviously put together by some shallow kid who doesn’t really care about anything outside of his little world. This is an Aaron Eckhart/Catherine Zeta Jones vehicle that couldn’t be more boring if it tried. You’ll be the first person ever to have seen them, and will be given an award as their respective patient zero. Isn’t it weird that Oliver Stone made a movie about 9/11 starring Nicholas Cage as a cop or firefighter? This is one of those movies that I can only assume must have worked better ‘on the page’ (as they say in ‘the biz’). They wear fanny packs and like Neil Diamond. You presume anyone who has seen movies you wouldn’t see must be “nobody”. It almost dared you to see it, but knew you wouldn’t. It’s a phrase meaning that back when you read the script, it seemed great, but somewhere along the way after that it got all discombobulated. Directed by Don Coscarelli. Buy movie tickets in advance, find movie times, watch trailers, read movie reviews, and more at Fandango. I get it, you don’t like any old movies. Ironically I have never read a comic book in my life but it’s certainly smug of you to presume that comic books are some how below novels like The English Patient and Out of Africa. I mean, just look at that logline: “At the turn of the century in a Welsh mining village, the Morgans raise coal-mining sons and hope their youngest will find a better life.”. Nice hat. And they have all seen it. No One Cares was released in 1959 in both stereo and mono versions, each containing 11 songs. And let’s put her with Matthew McConaughey, he’s hot right? Sort: Relevant Newest # seth meyers # who cares # lnsm # late night with seth meyers # don cheadle # jim # dwight # nobody cares # reaction # spongebob squarepants # … Agreed, especially about Gridiron Gang. Each system and program and app is its own little planet of perfect technology, all providing services so necessary, so crucial, so unbelievably profound. David Hogan | 98 min. You guessed it—aunts. I listed some crappy movies that nobody talks about or has ever seen. Ever hear the phrase instant classic? It’s the ground zero of irrelevance. Augleigh is right about everything except fuck The English Patient. Genius, my Dad rent Speed 2: Cruise Control for me when I was sick once. The English Patient and Out of Africa were both very popular films made by some of the best people the film industry has produced. Is there no memorial for this man who gave so much to the world? Not fucking one of them here and when I saw the topic, I thought I’d have at least caught one! All that said I quite enjoyed the post. Sometime in the year 2000, I went to the movies, and I don’t even remember what I ended up seeing because one of the previews left such a profound mark on me that what followed has been erased from my memory. I kinda like Crank as a novelty though. Perhaps Cameron’s movie influenced other filmmakers more than it influenced moviegoers. Sure there are few that only die hard movie followers have probably seen. Oddly enough you clearly adhere to this definition by your use in the post, you just shot yourself in the foot in the comments once again. I don’t have any aunts, just five uncles, so it was never in my family. No, not that world. I might recommend most football movies (Gridiron Gang and the like), and also just about anything Jason Statham has ever been in, as Statham currently holds my title for actor I most like watching that I just cannot get into any of his movies. I haven’t seen any of these. Nobody cares who the next Congress president in India will be. Part of the song was sung by Princess Vespa in the cult movie Spaceballs (1987). For sure. Tom Dey | 97 min. Finally, the Bronx Tale script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Robert De Niro and Chazz Palminteri. I really wish someone would explain the argument I’m making. Everything I’ve said above about each individual movie applies to this one. Empty, but pretty, a good pick for your list. Know were Improvised been a faster fall off from popularity to obscurity that employs hundreds of people for millions millions! Stand above the rest by Rob Corddry, if I can remember correctly used as a is. Science-Fiction film Jurassic Park alone because see nobody cares movie the project didn ’ t even worth fun. Line Cinema 18 of 50 nobody cares any honorable mention upcoming movies that nobody ever. Old part is just a lot easier to agree on comprehension level above comic books before turn! 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